Monday, April 13, 2009

baby update

Just thought I'd update, since the last I mentioned the pregnancy here, it was in my worry over miscarrying.

We had an appointment with the midwife on Friday and I had been waiting to hear if my uterus was bigger, which would mean that for the most part I could assume all was well. The spotting had stopped about 3 weeks prior. So my uterus went from 6.5 cm, to 11, so I was pretty happy about that :). Too early to hear the heartbeat yet, but next time we should be able to. I'm also starting to feel more pregnant, and feel like I can finally be happy and excited and not worried about what's going on.

So hopefully, there will be no more worry to report and only positive good things, like a birth :).


sweet and sad

Sometimes there are these moments that are so heartwarming, and then, bam, also so very sad.

I'm still sad over the passing of my grandparents, little pieces hit each day. Today I put the sheets I have of my grandma's, the sheets I slept on when I was there for a week and a half in the summer of 2006. This was my favorite visit with them ever. I really got to know them, not just as grandparents, but as people, who they were.

So I put them on my bed today, thinking it would be nice to fall asleep smelling their house, I know the smell won't last long, but I knew it would be there at least tonight. I just laid down with Paul, and he LOVES these sheets. They are brightly colored flowers. He kept saying 'pretty neat, pretty neat' while rubbing them, then he was saying 'soft' and 'pretty flowers'. It was so sweet. I had this momentary thought, "I need to tell my grandma how much Paul loves these sheets". That's when the sadness came in. I can't tell her. Death is so final, I know that is a silly statement to make, but it's something I'm realizing so much these days.

Monday, April 06, 2009


It's been a hard week and thought I'd update a little. Thought not really in the mood to write, but taking the time while Paul sleeps :).

My grandpa died on Wednesday. My grandma's death had just started to sink in, so this is just so, so hard. Having them both gone is just so overwhelmingly sad. I am very glad I was able to go to the funeral though. I think it really helped with making it real and not just something I can push aside and not deal with. It was also very sudden. I am so very glad that I had been able to get to know them as an adult. The last long visit I had, about 3 years ago, was so nice. Before that I had only known them as a kid knows their grandparents, but I was able to get to know them for the people they were. I don't know if that makes any sense. I still regret that I was just awful about correspondence though. Could have been so much closer if I'd tried. I hate that I am just so awful about that. anyhow. Not really needing to get into that right now.

I feel a big hole right now, which I don't feel I deserve to feel. Can't really explain that one.