Monday, December 31, 2007

radio

I just found a neat web site, you can make your own radio station, and it's free! Www.pandora.com As you listen you can say if you like a song or not and it further customizes the station to music you'd like. I'm enjoying it!
Julie

Sunday, December 30, 2007

deep thoughts

People are so many layers, each one brings something to our lives that make us the completely unique person we all are. we try to pigeon hole ourselves into categories and no one fits. For me this has led to misery for most of my life. It wasn't until a fateful conversation with Anne from geology class (who has since become a good friend), when I discovered the Faith. For the first time EVER I realized I have control over the path of my life. I don't have to be a lemming just going with the flow of what is considered 'normal' or politically correct or even what is expected of me from family. That was a huge step.

This is taken a huge turn from where I had wanted it to go! And I can't get back on track.

I don't know why I continue to try to put myself into one group or category, I know it never works, it's just a path toward destruction. I am so many things.

I want to list my layers
Catholic
Wife
Mother
Moral conservative
Religious conservative
politically - I don't know! I Like Ron Paul though
I love punk music like Blink 182
I love Dave Matthews Band
wanna be farmer
conspiracy theorist (never thought I'd add that one)
Attachment parent
hippy
small town midwestern girl
I think the list goes on and on.

Many people through the years have helped me discover each layer, and to them I am ever thankful.

So part of the new me is NO PIGEON HOLES they don't work!

Julie

Paul

He is a very special little boy. I haven't had much experience with other 9 month olds, but he's something else. Everything is new to him and you can see it in his eyes. He studies everything thoroughly. He is stubborn and very determined. A very happy little boy. I never thought I'd have a happy child, I thought I'd have a sullen child, like me. Over this weekend I'll try to take pictures of a day in the life of Paul.

Julie

Saturday, December 29, 2007

trailer park life

okay, so if you don't know, I live in a trailer park. It's just outside city limits which is nice (no regulations - well except what the park owner says). But man, oh man do I live near some of the loudest, rudest people possible. There are only 8 families here (11 trailers), and most are related. Chip has sworn me to 'not make a fuss', so I am left here listening to BLARING music, fights, honking horns at all hours of the day. I DO NOT understand it at all. I sometimes feel like I'm back in college living in a college town apartment. So there, that's the complaint I am allowing myself today.

only 13 payments left!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! then we can move, YAY!!!

Julie

life of a mother

I was going through my drafts, which I didn't even know I had on here and I found this, it's from 2 years ago, and even more pertinent now, especially given my recent post on loss of self. This does a MUCH better job of saying what I was feeling and thinking. And it puts it in a more positive way.

~~~~~~~~
I received this in an e-mail this morning. I do not know who originally wrote it. Enjoy!

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going. she's going. she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their uilding was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there." As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

still funky

I just can't seem to kick it. I don't know if it's the weather (cold and wet, no sun) or holiday blues. So if you have a few extra prayers please share them with me :). I don't think it's the post partum because that was totally different/scary. I'm just bummed, I think that is a word that works. Not bummed at any one thing, but just in general. Can't wait to share a few really good posts. I don't get online much while Chip is home.

Julie

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

update on Faith

So I haven't quite figured out how I'm going to do it, but I have made a list of things to work on. So far today has gone good. I got a lot done. So hopefully I'll be able to keep it up and make good steps towards my goal.

Julie

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Faith

Faith is precious, it saves a person in so many ways. Several years ago I made a very conscience choice to lose mine for whatever stupid reason (I still do not KNOW the reason I chose to do that), I think I felt I needed the challenge or a break. Or maybe it was just a very low point in my life and I didn't feel like fighting my parents to be Catholic (I was living at home). Anyhow, I want it back. I try, but it seems like I can't do it. My non-Catholic-yet husband has more faith than I do. Where did it go?

I am bringing this up because I have been feeling very, very downtrodden lately and very much like I'm cursed. Nothing goes right, ever. We are SO poor I fear writing about it because people do stupid things like report poor people to DCFS for being poor. Anyhow, I'm really tired of feeling that way, I hate reading others blogs, posts, stories about the lives they lead that I want. Jealousy is NOT productive, especially to a person like me who is very prone to feeling down. So I'm not doing it anymore.

I'm putting this here as a very real and visual reminder to NOT feel like that. Others don't control me - well besides God. Who freaking cares if my parents think I'm a total failure? I simply can NOT let that run my life. I don't WANT their life. I want a simple, natural, CATHOLIC life. I don't need fancy things like a coffee maker. I need to overcome what was imparted on me during my upbringing and focus on what is really important.

So, I really don't know how I'm going to go about this, not a clue. Obviously, I need more prayer, much more prayer in my life. And of course the continued living in a Catholic way with Chip while we wait hopefully for annulment news. But the big one is how to get over feeling like a failure. That I don't know how to do, not at all. Someone help me with that please. How do you get to the point that you don't care what others think (really don't care, not just saying you don't care).

Recently we realized that we let others poke at our choices for life without saying one thing back. We can't decide if this is a good thing or not. I'm kind of tired of sitting there while people say that how I'm raising my son is bad or wrong or somehow 'not normal'. I DO NOT WANT to be normal.

I think the real thing is that I'm tired of being a doormat with all those around me (I am not one at home, just with everyone else). I need to figure out how to not be like that. Strong people tell me how you do it please, seriously. Anyhow, I am going to try to figure this out and any input you all have is helpful. Thank you,

Julie

funk

It has been a few rough days, I'm not doing too well. I think it's just the cold, rainy/snowy weather, but I don't know, seems a little deeper than that. So if you have a few minutes, a few prayers would be appreciated. I really don't want to go back on the meds so I'm hoping it's just the weather.

I have a few neat things I really want to post about, but I'm not quite in the mood. So hopefully over the next few days I'll get them posted.

It's cold here and our water is TOTALLY frozen. Even our toilet is frozen, which is just WONDERFUL. And I have to pee (sorry, but I do). Can't wait for it to warm up just a little bit.

Off to go make the fire warm again.

Julie

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Losing Kitty

Today our cat, Kitty, passed away. A month ago we took her to the vet for an abscessed tooth and she never got better. It ended up that she had a very fast growing cancer in her mouth (so fast that I noticed it growing every day over the last week while I was feeding her with a syringe - I just didn't know what it was). We took her to the vet today thinking the tooth was reinfected, to find out it was a horribly aggressive cancer, that had made her unable to see, smell or open her mouth.

Kitty's story

One December day in 2005 I was outside and I heard a weird noise, almost like a far off chainsaw. Next I saw an orange tabby sitting on top of the dumpster - sound must be the cat purring - wow, what a purr! Next thing I knew she was running up to me, I thought she was going to attack me, but lo and behold all she wanted was to be pet, and boy oh boy did she have a purr. A loud beautiful purr that could rumble a whole bed and be heard from another room. I wish I had a sound clip to share. We called her Kitty, it stuck.
Over the next few months she started coming inside more and then during all the tornadoes in March we started keeping her inside during storms. By June she was totally inside and never looked back. She loved being an indoor kitty with a warm, dry bed and love.
We didn't know how old she was until they took out her tooth, 12, so she found us at 10. She will be missed, hopefully I'll be able to hear that purr for years to come. It was such a gift from a cat who found me when I needed her most when it probably was more than she needed us.
Thanks for reading. I'll find some pictures to share of her in the next few days.
Julie

Movies

Okay, I am going to attempt to put these movies of Paul on here. Please let me know if they work or if you can't see them. My camera does not record sound, so it's just the picture.

Julie


video

video

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Facebook

I got lured into Facebook. I like it a lot better than Myspace. Myspace seems so vulgar, this isn't so much so, or so it seems after being on it for all of 2 days! So if you have one, look me up - Julie Petersen.

Julie

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

a few more pictures

I found a cd of pictures that I hadn't put up before, so here they are. These were all taken around Aug. 24, so he was 5 and a half months old. He has a pumpkin sleeper on that I got before he was born thinking that it'd fit him at halloween, it barely fit for this pictures!

I LOVE this face.



"What's that thing in front of me???" always a thoughtful baby.








He's right at the end of rolling over.


















Monday, December 10, 2007

The last several months

In August we bought this place, since then it has been so crazy! It was also at that time, or shortly before that the computer died, or started to die. Then no internet or computer.

Never move and remodel at the same time. And a rule for remodeling - if it can rot, it has! This place is NO where near where we'd hoped it would be before moving it. Every time we'd remove something or go to fix something, there was another piece of rotted flooring or wall or support beam. We also ran out of money! But in the end it'll be great and just what we want. And most of all, bug free, clean and waterproof (whoever designed trailers in the 60's didn't think much about how to keep water OUT).

I'd say the best thing is that each payment (only 14 left!!!!) is one less we'll have to pay. It's great to have that monthly rent going somewhere.

Of course, also never go on a cross country trip in the MIDDLE of moving and remodeling. Of course that trip wasn't for fun, Chip's father was very ill and he dearly wanted to meet Paul. It still breaks my heart that they wouldn't let me in his room with Paul. All he wanted was to see him (he has bad eyesight, so he couldn't really see Paul from the doorway). It's been hard since getting back because we can't call (no phone yet, next month, can't wait!). The phone company won't give us a phone, silly huh.

These last few months have also been a huge time of growth for us and really for Chip. He's really come a long way in his faith. It's been great.

Now just some very important big, giant steps and things will be set right, can't wait. (getting the net also helps with that, of course when the computer died we lost all the stuff he had written and prepared for the annulment, so now he can put it back together).

Okay, I should go get Paul to sleep, he's a tired baby today and cutting a new tooth (number 5!).

Julie

pictures




Okay, I'm going to try this. I normally put them on my photobucket, but I can't remember my name or password, so going to try to put them in here. My dad took these on Halloween and emailed them to me. Still no cable for the camera, which has a TON of pics!
Okay, looks like it worked.
He was 7 and a half months old in these.
Julie




Saturday, December 08, 2007

no pictures yet

I can't find the cable that connects the camera to the computer! There are at least 50 pictures on there and several videos that I can't wait to share!

Just a cute story to share from today. I took the dog out and got the mail, when I got to the door to come back in, Paul had crawled over to the door and was standing up looking through the window at me. But they way he was standing I couldn't open the door or I would knock him over. Poor guy just wanted me and I couldn't get to him. Daddy came to the rescue though. It was the cutest and also the most sad thing all at once. Precious baby crying for mommy and mommy can't get there, and it was the first time that he crawled after me, heart melting! :)
Off to go get the fire set for sleeping and to bed I go.

Julie

So nice

I can not tell you how nice it is to be back in contact with people! There is something very isolating about not being able to leave the house, call anyone or even email/chat with people. I think it's going to take several days to get used to this again! Sure does lift the spirit though.

I don't remember how long it has been since we have had a reliable computer AND internet connection, at least 5 months, so there is a lot to catch up on. I have a ton to say, but not sure if I'll get to it all right now. Paul's been asleep for awhile, so due to wake up soon.

First, Paul is HUGE and crawling and cruising. I'll get some pictures up here in the next few days. Have to relearn everything, and find all my passwords! Lost all of that when the computer died months ago. I'm not sure how much he weights, somewhere around 25 to 28 pounds and he's about 27 inches tall. Still nursing all the time. When he crawls he uses his feet and hands, not his knees, it's super cute! I have a video of it, I'll try to figure out how to post it, we'll see :). Oh, he's 8 and a half months old! It goes so fast.

These last few months have been very trying. Just finally have we gotten back to a somewhat 'normal' life. Between moving, fixing the new place, fixing the old place, a trip to CT and running out of money completely, it's so nice to finally be putting things back into place.

I think I'll leave it at that. Trying to put the last months into words is just proving too hard to do :). Just glad to have an outlet now and be back into contact with others.

Julie

Friday, December 07, 2007

We're back

I don't know where to begin! So I'm just going to say I'm here again and I will reply and fill you all in on the last few months once I'm not totally overwhelmed by the ability to actually talk to people :).

Julie

Friday, October 05, 2007

What a week

We are currently visiting Chip's family due to his father's health. Also we wanted Paul to meet his grandfather. :) It has been so crazy. That's what you get to leaving at the last minute with no plans! But the main point of the trip was for Paul and grandpa to meet. (his dad's health has been up and down and it looked VERY bad a week ago).

This is the first time in I'd say about 2 or three weeks that I have been able to just 'chill' for any amount of time, and we have internet here at his dad's.

Paul is HUGE! I'll get some picutures uploaded once we get back. He is not liking all the driving (things here are SO very far apart timewise). He's also too interesed in all the new sights, sounds and faces to sleep, so he's been a very tired baby Paul, but still good natured like always. I can not believe he will be 7 months in a week, it is beyound my comprehension that he has grown so fast. It seriously seems like yesterday that he was born and a totally helpless newborn. Now he can roll over, grab things, reach, pull, sit up and he's trying to get the crawling thing down.

Chip has started RCIA, it's much like it was when I went through, but it is nice to have the extra incentive to learn more about the faith at home.

I don't know what else is new. And I'm suddenly very tired, can't wait to go to sleep. Have to wait for Chip to finish getting the hitch on. Okay, off I go. I'm sure I won't be able to post again for a few weeks. We are leaving here Sunday and tomorrow is crazy busy, then when we get home we have to move.

Julie

Monday, September 10, 2007

tooth and pics

we have a tooth! No pics of it yet, he is very protective of it! Do have new pics though.

http://s108.photobucket.com/albums/n3/seekingmyplace/
Julie

Friday, August 31, 2007

hello again

A quick recap. Still no net, we got one of the older computers working but it can't have the net. The first few days were hard, then I realized that I was getting a lot done :), but now it's been a month and the novelty has worn off! :) Hopefully once we move hopefully we'll have it.

Paul is getting big, still 20 pounds, but getting longer. He's growing so fast! Chip is back to his old schedule (5pm to 3am) which is nice. I had so much more I had planned on saying, but it has been forgotten! (of course). Oh, we got the digital camera out of layaway, so once we have the net I will post lots of pictures.

here's a note from Paul.

jhnb0;ly709n nt bm nm

Friday, August 10, 2007

crazy stuff

We are currently computerless. I'llreply to everyone once we either get it fixed (not likely it's the hard drive on a laptop) or get a new one - which will be awhile.

We had a small fire the other day, that was pretty scary. Okay Paul's getting upset (we are at the library) so I should go.

Julie

Friday, July 27, 2007

camping

On a whim we decided to go camping Wednesday. We both needed to get out of the house and it's been awhile since we had gone (last year). It was fun! Got lots of pictures of Paul on his first camping trip. It was crazy hot though, way crazy hot! We did a lot though, so that was nice. It was a nice little break from normal life. We did decide, no more summer camping! Just too hot. Or rather, no more summer camping without at least a fan! We actually brought one, but forgot to bring an extension cord (if we had gotten an electric site, the electricity is far from where the tent would be). Well I am off to bed, so, so tired!

Julie

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

I hate days like this

In the last two days Paul has only slept for about 18 hours, no naps at all and he doesn't want to nurse much either. Just crying and hold me, that's all. The house is a HORRID mess, I just can't stand it. He will NOT sleep, I'm going to go crazy. I yelled at him for the first time ever and told him to just go to sleep already. I feel awful. I hate these days, hate them. Add to that, that we haven't been able to fix the computer at all and the cd drive does not work and I haven't had any luck uploading our files to the net, so it's either, keep using a computer that doesn't work (very hard to do) or lose everything. Sometimes I just want to throw it out the window! :) I know the files aren't truly important in the big picture. I just spent hours upon hours putting all the music on the computer and fixing the pictures. The music would be lost forever (we sold all of our cd's). Anyhow I should go, I am sitting here listening to him cry himself horse so I should probably get him.

Julie

our new endeavor

endeavor
For awhile we have wanted to have an Ebay store or a website (Ebay is kind of expensive). We aren't quite there (need to finish the planning and work on what we'd like to sell, mostly homemade things/crafts and woodworking. But the precursor to that is a website that's just about us and the things we have found that work. Like the recipes for our soap and laundry detergent. We got the site yesterday, so now we just have to built it and put stuff on there! I'm excited. It's just nice to have something concrete to see that we really are making some progress towards simplicity in our lives and living naturally. Plus there is no advertising on the site so we feel we are making headway in living the non-consumerist life that we really want. Yes we are weird!

Once I actually set up the basic site I'll post a link. I have to figure it all out. :)

Julie

Monday, July 23, 2007

family

Some recent happenings have made me have some deep thoughts :). We don't have a lot of contact with Chip's family for a few reasons. But something kind of struck my today. Paul has this whole other family that he doesn't know. He hasn't gotten to meet them. And because we haven't gotten many pictures developed and I don't have emails for them, they haven't seen pictures either. We both really want to get up to Connecticut so he can meet them, we just simply don't have the money for the trip (or really a car we are comfortable taking). Hopefully soon though.

Julie

Dreams

Things I dream about daily. In no order

*having a TLM close enough to be involved in
*our future farm
*a house not covered with lead
*being able to grow a garden (lead in soil here)
*having a sacramental marriage (and the children that come with it :) )
*a clean house! ha, that'll never happen!
*community, friends others who think like me (AP, Trad Catholic....................)
*being debt free
*having our own house, even if it's falling apart
*taking a shower

I am sure there are more :) Don't know why I felt like sharing these, just seemed kind of fun.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

quick post

My computer is totally on the fritz so I have no clue if I"ll even get to send this. The modem died so we can't get dial up and the wireless doesn't really work. We are trying to save everything (music, pictures, files), but it seems that my cd burner does not work. We plan to wipe out the hard drive to see if it fixes the computer. So that is why I have not been posting or replying, no computer or internet. So if you don't hear from me that is why! :)

Julie

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

done

So frustrated with this internet. I can NEVER get it to work. It’ll take me all night, seriously, all night to just get it to open one page. It’ll probably take me two days to send this message since that’s a series of about three pages (I’m writing it in word first). The internet is my only connection with other people. It is too hot to walk to the library. How sad does that make me? I just want to stupid internet to work, how much is that to ask, really, how much?? It’ll be months before we can afford our normal internet that works. I need people to talk to. Why does everything have to be such a huge struggle?? Can’t something ever just be easy?

It’s even more than just talking to people, I have people I need to respond to, and I can’t get to my email to do that. Important things like conversion and annulment stuff.

I think I am just going to give up. I’m tired of the fight. It’s obviously only important to me. I’m tired of pulling teeth. I’m done, I simply can not do it anymore. I’m also signing out of one of my most beloved groups. It has come to my attention that my presence there makes people uncomfortable, which I understand, but I can’t handle that anymore, so I’ll leave. Maybe someday I won’t be in such an irregular situation so I’ll be able to go back. I will miss them greatly.

That’s all for now.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Latin Mass

I have been waiting until it was official, and then I didn't get to posting until today. I am so hopeful that now that it's free and clear that we will get a closer Mass. I wonder how we could go about finding a Priest to say the TLM?? Do you just ask? Is that improper? Oh, to have a Latin Mass community near by, pure heaven! I just can't imagine! I am so thankful for the current Pope! He is doing great things for the Church!

Julie

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Paul

I just got an email that said his first web page will be gone in a week, so if you want to see those first pictures (from the hosptial), go and check them out. It was kind of sad. He's growing up so fast, I can't believe it. He's over twice the size he was when he was born. I almost can't remember him being so small. I missed so much of his first days. With the next child I am going to hire someone to come daily to do the basic tasks that I worried over.

So go look at him :) http://www.growingfamily.com/webnursery/babypage_view.asp?URLID=1W4N6P8T2X

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Growth spurt

Boy oh boy has Paul been growing! He has been an eating machine! Last night at my parents he weighted in at 23 pounds! I can not believe it! I never thought I'd have a 23 pound 4 month old! I now have 3 rolls of film to develop. We are close to out of our hole, so soon we should be able to get them developed! Can't wait to share! He still steals the room where ever we go. He's a cutie pie!

Sunday, July 08, 2007

No title again,

I killed my bird. I feel awful. Been having such a rough time lately, I sure didn't need this. Why didn't I give them water this morning when I first saw they needed it. How could I forget. He was a birthday present.

Julie

Saturday, July 07, 2007

It won't let me give a title. It was going to be "Giving up?"

It has been a very rough few days. My spirits are very down. I feel like just crawling in a hole and never coming out. There is just no point in trying to even be positive about anything. Every time you start to be positive something comes and takes it away. We are too poor to even do the things we need to do, like go to Mass and get Chip to his conversion classes. We also have to pay for the annulment. But really money is the least of the issues. Every thing in my life is a fight right now. Fight to parent the way we want, fight to live how we want (simply and naturally), fight because of religious differences. And even if it isn't an out right verbal fight, it's me just not saying anything and smiling and nodding. I hate that.

I feel like my spirit if broken. I think I'm living a pipe dream.
Julie

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

The 4th

It was a very anti climatic 4th for me. Just same old same old, cleaning, feeding, more feeding and rocking :) I had kind of hoped to get to bbq with my parents, but that didn't happen, which I guess had the plus side of getting the house clean.

The last few weeks have been kind of rough for me. I missed my pills one day and that really threw me off and I just can't seem to get back. I also think a lot of the other things going on in my life are hampering my mood, but that's expected, life is not always roses. I'm trying to bring more faith into our daily life, it's a slow process, but it's getting there. I'm kind of needing something to keep me on my toes though.

Paul is growing, I can't believe how much he changes daily. I think he is actually going through a growth spurt as all he's been doing is eating (a TON) and sleeping.

My only in real life local friend is moving in about a month. Kind of a sad reality to think of. I need to find a new network! Of course those interested in the things I am are all in the city! So far away!

Anyhow, I should go. Need to finish the tea and head to sleep. Sleep is precious! Need lots :)

Julie

Friday, June 29, 2007

ahhhh peace

it has been raining for a day, right now I am enjoying a cup of tea and quiet, oh blissful quiet! Listening to the rain since I opened up the windows today. I always hate when you go from the season of open windows (spring and fall) to that of closed. I love hearing the sounds of nature. Not so much the sounds of loud neighbors, but I love the birds!

It has been a kind of rough few weeks for me. I missed my meds one day and it has taken so long to get back to 'normal'. Also I had gotten horribly behind on house work and I HATE that feeling. I like a mostly uncluttered house with mopped and vacuumed floors. It feels so clean! :)

For the longest while I was really struggling with the housewife part of being a SAHM, but I have taken a new look at it and maybe even surrendered myself to it. My home is my work, as are my child/children. I know pride is bad, but I take pride in them. I feel they are my responsibility and when it's done right I feel good. I know to some that is sad, but to me it seems perfectly normal for the life we have chosen.

I got called crazy by my mom yesterday! It was in reference to me saying we'd like a food processor to help up make some of our food. She wanted to know what we were doing that a blender wouldn't work for. I told her peanut butter. She said "you can read the labels and see what's in it at the store", then called me crazy and said she had a 21st century hippy daughter. I like that, because it's true. We are trying to live a very simple life. One not filled with consumerism. We LIKE making our own food and knowing EXACTLY what is in it. Is it easier, of course not. But it's what we strive for.

Oh the topic of housekeeping. Chip bought me a new mop because I have the saddest excuse for one currently. It is AMAZING. I thought there was no mop that could get into the grooves of this floor, so I'd have to scrub it normally to make it clean. This mop does that too! No scrubbing needed! Lets just hope the cats don't rip it apart like the other one!

Okay, off to reply to a few posts people left for me.

Julie

Thursday, June 21, 2007

melancholy

feeling somewhat melancholy today. Maybe it's because I'm reading "Anna Karena" by Tolstoy, or cause Paul has decided sleep is evil :), so mommy is very tired. Maybe I just have a lot on my mind, I'm not sure. We are making lots of positive changes in our lives, and I know I'm pretty excited to see how they will work and help out in the long run. Also we are SO close on the annulment stuff. We had a dull period and now we are just like two pieces of information away. I can't wait until we get that all sent in. Just keep praying it all goes well and quickly! I'm anxious to see where it goes and hopeful to have a sacramental marriage. I think that's a lot of the mood today. We are on the verge of some very good things for us, many answered prayers, we just aren't quite there yet and the waiting is getting to me.
It's been troubling me lately about the differences in our parenting and what my parents think is normal. I don't want there to be strain there every time we see them, because we want Paul to have a lot of contact with them, and they have so much joy in seeing him and his cousin. It's just hard because we have such different ideals and thoughts and even goals. I don't want to make them feel bad or inferior or like we are judging them.
So I guess I'm just thinking too much! who would think I was capable of thinking too much! :)

Julie

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

back

I'm back, kind of anyway :). It's not reliable, but I'm here :). Sure have missed having the blog to talk to! Thought was only like two weeks.

Paul is close to 18 pounds and 24 inches long. He's growing so fast! I sometimes miss my little baby, but he's doing what he is suppose to do. He's currently trying to figure out the rolling over thing.

He did well on our trip, I had to nurse him a few times while we were driving, but it worked out well. As far as the visit with grandparents. It was so hard to see my grandparents so diminished. It has just been less than a year and it has changed them so. Makes me sad.

I am sure there is a ton more I'd love to share, but I'm so tired. So I think I'm going to go join my baby bed hog and get some sleep. More later.

Julie

Thursday, June 14, 2007

miss the blog

boy I miss blogging! I can't wait until we have the net again, hopefully within a few months. I am missing having a place to talk! :) Just a little update.

Julie

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

no internet

we are internetless right now, I'm at the library and Paul does not like it here :( I just wanted those to read and have asked questions to know why I was gone.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

sigh

Wow, it has been a crazy few days. I'm starting to get that new parent tiredness.

I know I am suppose to be posting about the Yurts, I will, it just requires way more energy than I have now. Not to worry, it's coming :).

Paul has decided that not sleeping is good and fun, especially when it's fighting sleep. That is until about 10 at night when he finally goes down. At first this was very frustrating, but now that it is his 'thing' it's easier to deal with. He is pretty amazing though, learning and growing each day. It's neat to watch him process and take in everything he sees.

We are going to visit my grandma, Chip will be staying here. He has started a new second job, prayers for him to stay awake please, especially while driving, I'm very concerned. Okay, back on track :). All of my grandparents aren't doing well right now, so it's going to be a hard visit. It's sad to see people go down hill so quickly. I am looking forward to the visit though. Very glad that my mom didn't mind with coming with her because we don't have a car that we'd trust for the long drive, plus the money thing, gas is very expensive.

Well I think I may actually go to sleep, very tired. Hopefully we will get pictures developed late next week. I finished both rolls. So lots of pictures coming :), just may be a week or two.

Julie

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Update, update, UPdate

Yes, it's been awhile. I tend to only get on the computer while Chip is working, and he had an odd work week the last few weeks, and I had a lot of 'social' things, like going to my parents a few times. Plus, I have just been a tad lazy, or rather just haven't gotten on here.

Paul is going through a somewhat clingy period, so I don't get the chance to type much, but he is also getting into a more defined pattern for his days. He's great! I really enjoy watching him learn and grow more every day. I really wish I'd take more pictures so I could finish one of the rolls I have to post pictures. Hopefully this week. He's huge!!!!!!! He laughed last night for real, it was cute. He's getting pretty interactive now and just growing so much. When they say that it goes by so fast, they really mean it.

We are almost done with the annulment stuff! Just have to finish editing his life history (wow, was that hard!!!!!!!! and VERY long, like 12 pages not even double spaced yet! - I'm working as the editor, I don't know why because he's way better at English). We also have to somehow track down a copy of the marriage certificate, which is hard seeing as we can not find the phone number for the town hall that it would be at. How crazy is that??? They have a number for many different things, just not the place that keeps the records. So hopefully we'll have it submitted by Friday (minus the marriage certificate). That was our goal date, and I think we'll make it. So once all that's in, we just have the waiting. It feels good to get getting there.

Chip also is taking a second job for a few months. That is making the car issue even more important. I was doing well learning the car, but then got sick. So hopefully I'll get the chance to master it this weekend, before he starts the second job, as we are waiting on a silly $20 clip to make the Neon drivable. Can you believe that a silly little clip costs $20. I swear they design cars so that you have to spend this crazy money on silly parts! Oh, we also got the Nissan working well, as it now it actually stops. That's also one of the reasons I stopped trying to learn it, you had to stop with the emergency break, and that was just too much to coordinate with the extra pedal for the clutch (yes, I am a girl, it's just too much for me). It now stops like a normal car and I don't fear my life while being in it.

This weekend has a lot of good stuff happening. We have Paul's first appointment, it's with a holistic doctor in Booneville, way far away, but we hope she's a match with our ideals, that has been hard. Also, he has his first baseball game on Sunday. Can't wait, and it's also the day you can run/walk the bases afterward, so we will be doing that as well, can't wait! So excited.

OH, I should post about Mother's day. I had an old friend stop by with her boyfriend. It was a super treat. I hadn't really gotten to see/talk to her in SO long, it was great, and then to see her happy with a great guy was even better. I really enjoyed the visit. :) As for our Mother's day, it got postponed to Monday, it was nice. We just kind of hung out and went fishing in Sedalia at a nice lake, well nice for me, not good fishing for Chip. Then he made me a nice dinner. :)

Other random things. Lets see, I think we are going to build a yurt for us when we get land, if it doesn't have a house on it already. I have some reservations, but in general like the 'outside the box' nature of it and also, it's cheap and very versatile. I'm designing it slowly while I feed the baby :), talk about interesting, using a ruler, protractor and other devices with one hand while nursing a baby :). Lets just say, it's not perfect!

Also our landlord's lawn mower man cut down our garden, after I asked him not to and he said 'I leave that up to you all'. Talk about pissed off. If the peeling, chalking, shedding lead paint wasn't enough, you kill our little bit of food we had growing???? I called the health department about the lead paint, they never called back. Glad I wrote this because it reminded me that I need to call them again. So we are trying to find something else, but that's hard with our budget. I'm sure something will come up at some point.

I think that is all, for now anyway.

Julie

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

blessed

I'm feeling pretty good today. Feeling pretty blessed. Chip found a second job, which will help get us back on track. It will not be fun being home by myself all the time, but it's a necessary evil. Paul and I will miss him though :). I am just lucky that I get to stay home. It is a great sacrifice that is so worth it. I couldn't imagine having to leave Paul with someone else. I can't wait until the rest of our ducks fall into place (conversion, annulment........................... more babies!!!!!!!! :) can't wait for that!)

Today I was watching Paul, as I do often, and I realized how simply amazing it is that this person was created inside of me. Every day he grows and learns more. While nursing today, he learned that he can grab things with his hands. He was so intently watching as his hands grabbed my shirt and moved it. While I feel I missed a lot of his early days, I am sure making it a point to really watch and connect with him. I have a bad habit of just doing things out of routine and duty, rather than really enjoying him and watching him. Those small things are WAY more important than a clean sink!

Julie

Friday, May 04, 2007

it never ends

today was a bad day. I think I'm the worst mom there can be. and it's hot.

I realize everyone has bad days, and I will too, even with medicine to help out. What really scares me (and makes the bad days worse) is wondering how bad tomorrow could be. Once one little thing gets going in my head, all the bad, negative things just come flooding in. I can't handle them, then add on wondering what tomorrow has in store. Need to find a way to make my self hope for better, not fear for the worst. I feel I need to run away from my own brain. It just makes me this horrible person who I hate, very much.


Julie

Thursday, May 03, 2007

cats X 6

Life with 6 cats is never dull, that is for sure. I can't wait until we have a digital camera so that I can post pictures of their antics. So far today they have ripped apart two tea bags (all over the floor of course), shred to pieces two rolls of toilet paper, torn apart the bathroom cabinet looking for the Q-tips - which when they found they poured them all over the floor, nursed on their father - this I do not understand, as you know they aren't getting anything!

I took some pictures, but will have to wait to post until I finish the roll. I had to post this tonight so that I didn't just go to bed pissed off at them! :) Trying to put a positive spin on it.

Julie

routine

We have settled into a nice semi-routine. It's nice. He is sleeping for longer stretches, and awake longer too. I am guessing he's sleeping just as much as before, but just putting a few of those mini naps into larger ones. I am paying for it slightly with less sleep, because before I could have him in bed for 12 hours (which gave me a decent amount of sleep, even including waking to feed him and such). Now it seems he kind of goes to sleep for the night kind of early for me (9 to 10). I'll adjust. :)

Anyone who has breast feed knows how incredibly thirsty you get. I have found the cure for me, iced tea. It's cheap and easy to make, and I need to be drinking about a gallon a day, so it works.

Because of this nice new little routine we have going, I have been able to get a little organizing done too. It's been nice to tackle a few of the cluttered areas a day. I just have the hallway, table, bathroom and top of the bookcase left. I feel nice an accomplished.

Julie

Monday, April 30, 2007

thoughts on faith

It's been awhile since posting about my journey back. I guess it's more about getting my ducks in a row, as my heart is already here.

I have been struggling lately because of many things. My car died, which took away my sense of freedom. I have completely misplaced my prayer life. I think some of that is due to a new baby and that huge adjustment, as well as the postpartum depression, that really sucks the life out of you. Also having a hard time accepting how long it's going to be before we can have a sacramental marriage, that one is hard because I know some of the struggles we have now would be helped by the graces you have in a sacramental marriage, they might not go away, but we'd have the tools to handle them better.

There are also things like not having money to drive to KC for the TLM. Going here is like going to a protestant church (attitude and feel). Chip can't stand it because it's like everything he experienced as a kid, things that made him not like religion. I feel guilty that this will be our sons first impression of our faith.

Anyhow, I have decided to do a few things to make some of these better. First is more prayer, and sticking to it. It'll give us some routine to our day as well. I just need to find something to help keep me on track, or a person, like a prayer buddy. :) I also want to start a spiritual reading, or some to learn more about the faith. Suggestions please!

So that's where I am. Also, any suggestions for reading on being a Catholic mother?

Julie

a first!

We are clean! I took the plunge and tried a shower without some one to hold Paul until time for him to join me. It worked well. It's nice to know that I can shower when I want! Such a nice feeling. :)

Sunday, April 29, 2007

crunchy

I knew I was a tad hippyish, but apparently I'm moreso than what I thought! I found this quiz http://www.naturalmotheringutah.org/granolafactorquiz.htm

and scored a "Super Nutty, Ultra-Crunchy Granola Earth Mama". Makes me feel good though, oddly.

In other news, my dad measured Paul today and he's 22 inches! 2 inches in 6 weeks, he's getting so big!. I had a nice visit with my parents today too, they really are the doting grandparents.

Julie

Friday, April 27, 2007

is there even a point??

To cleaning that is, when living with 6 cats, a dog and 2 people? I am beginning to think there is no reason to clean. As soon as the mess is gone, in comes the next tornado! I need a mess fairy! :)

6 weeks

Paul is 6 weeks old. I can't believe that it's been 6 weeks! It has gone by so fast. I miss him when he's sleeping (on the rare occasion I put him in the bedroom instead of holding him). I can't imagine having to go back to work and leaving him. I'd be miserable. So glad I am going to be able to stay home. Glad I has a husband who's goal is for me to be home too, even if it means having to live a frugal life.

I definitely love Paul, very much. There was a time when I wondered if I would, I think a lot of that was the PPD though. Babies really are blessing from God, and I feel truly blessed to have him. I do wish we had the money to drive up to the TLM for mass, hate him not having that at this very impressionable age. But things are looking brighter on that front.

Go hug your blessing from God! :)

Julie

Saturday, April 21, 2007

A little bit of everything

Paul seems to have grown overnight. He is so big! I tried to use this really old digital camera I found, but it didn't work. I was hoping to have pictures to share.

My car died, been kind of house bound, kind of bored too. Hopefully soon I'll learn how to drive our other car, it'll be nice to just go as I please then.

I had a few profound things to share, but I have forgotten them! :)

Julie

Monday, April 16, 2007

post partum depression

I should really rename my blog 'stumbling through PPD'. That's what I'm doing, stumbling horribly. Today is a bad day, bad, bad day. Probably worse than the last one. This thing is awful, it steals away the joy you have and want to have in this wonderful blessing that is your child. It makes you want to run away. You desire nothing but for your baby to just sleep. All the while you are feeling horribly guilty because you know you shouldn't be feeling those things. It makes me feel like a bad mom, a really bad mom.

I want to crawl in a hole. I can't even go visit Chip because my car died, the only little thing that got me through a lot of days. I'm stuck in this 500 sq. ft. house forever.

I can not wait for this post partum hell to go away. When will that happen??

Julie

I make milk, what's your superpower??

I don't know why I love that quote, but I do. I want it on a bumper sticker, but we can't find it online anywhere. I love nursing, it's great. Knowing that I'm providing all my little one needs is kind of empowering. I like things that make me feel like a woman. So many times in today's world it is easy to lose site of one's femininity. It is one of the reasons I love wearing skirts. I kind of miss the days when I was only wearing skirts. I need to get back to that. Stopped for some kind of silly reasons, like not getting a chance to shave my legs often. And the cats like to 'play', meaning the jump and attack the skirt (me as well), with the skirt as I walk (I wear long skirts).

Anyhow, back to the point of the post. I truly love breastfeeding. I think I'd be much more down and not making as much positive progress if it weren't for the bond I feel with Paul through feeding him. I am so lucky that I am not going to have to work so that we can keep this complete bond. (yes I know you can still breastfeed while working, I just know for me it would get harder, and I can be lazy, so I think I'd end up stopping in the long run) When I'm getting kind of frustrated with the details of being a mom, stopping to nurse him really just helps me realize what I'm doing, makes me realize it's not about me and dusting the shelves!

So I hope more women get the chance to experience this. There is so much misinformation out there about breastfeeding, I just hope somehow the right information starts to be handed out more often. I think the lactivist movement just won itself a new supporter! :)

Off to go cuddle with Paul before he wakes, he had a hard day today.

Julie

Saturday, April 14, 2007

one month

Today he is one month old. Boy did that month go fast. It seems as though he has always been here. He has grown so much! He's up to 12 pounds and 22 inches long.

We got to have dinner at my parents today as well. Was nice to catch up with my sister and see my nephew. The boys are becoming more aware of each other, which is neat to watch.

So a good day overall. Happy one month Paul!

Julie

Friday, April 13, 2007

strange weather???

It is pouring snow, huge, huge flakes, they actually make a splash when they land, the cats are hissing at them, huge! It is also lightening. Those two things just don't go together. I guess that is Missouri for you. Maybe since it's SPRING (why is it snowing anyway?????????????), the weather decided that thunder just had to come along too.

Julie

Shower

First, I'll say that today has been so much better. I was so scared when I woke up this morning that today would be a repeat of yesterday, but it wasn't at all. I hope to never have those feelings again, they were pretty scary!

I got to shower today! Which if you have never had a newborn you might not understand my utter joy at getting to shower. It was nice! Made my day. That's the only bad thing about Chip's long work days, makes it hard for me to get a shower and I'm not keen on taking one at 3 in the morning when he gets home!

Julie

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Bad Day

today has been a bad day. I guess those will still happen. I just feel like I have failed everything thing, wife, mother, housewife. I realized after I sent out a huge mass email about Paul and only heard from two people, that I have totally isolated myself. Which sucks, cause I'm pretty isolated in real life too. Which is fine normally, I don't mind going out and doing things alone.

I just can't seem to do anything right at all. Can't make anyone happy. Hell I can't even keep my house livable. Today bites.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

peeved

This article is about the book "The Feminine Mistake". The author says that women can't afford to not work. She assumes all husbands will leave their families and totally ignores how important it is for children to have their moms home and raising them. It's people like this that just further the stigma that has as of late been attached to staying home with your children.

http://www.parade.com/articles/editions/2007/edition_04-08-2007/Intelligence_Report

Turning point

So a week ago my midwife put me on medicine for post partum depression. I was somewhat uneasy with the idea because I didn't feel depressed or off. Chip and I talked about it and he said he saw it and that I wasn't myself.

I was looking at pictures of a friend who just had a baby and seeing that joy on her face made me realize that I haven't been right since birth, i never had that joy. I took care of my son and did the things a mom needs/has to do, but it was without feeling or emotion.

The last few days have been so much better, that joy and wonder of a new child, a blessing, is there. The love and protective nature of a mom is there, it's great! I am definitely enjoying it.

vaccines

they scare me, a lot, like really, really a lot. I actually want to crawl in a hole so that I don't have to deal with anyone (like doctors) telling me how good they are. I actually think this will keep me awake tonight. At least I got some more research done though, that's good. Lets hope I don't have nightmares about this!

Julie

Monday, April 09, 2007

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The cats are driving me insane. Boy I miss kitty naptime!

Getting the hang of it

I'm starting to not feel totally behind and out of it. It's nice to not feel totally inept at being a wife and mother. Paul and I are getting a little rhythm going and I'm getting used to doing everything with one hand! I am completely amazed at how he grows and changes everyday, it sure does happen fast!

Julie

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

more pictures

If you check back, there are more pics added. there's also some of our pets, if you want to see them.Julie

Paul
http://s108.photobucket.com/albums/n3/seekingmyplace/Paul/

Pets
http://s108.photobucket.com/albums/n3/seekingmyplace/Pets/

Monday, April 02, 2007

being a mom

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. The transition to mother was super easy. I mean, it is frustrating at times and very hard also at times, but it's natural. There was no extra effort involved in 'learning' to do what I needed to do to care for Paul, it just came. I think I was thinking it would be more like becoming a wife, there was a lot more learning involved with that. Not so much instinct. I've been amazed at how instinctive being a mom is. If I let go of my control issues ( like needing the house spotless - need to give up on that one!), my care for him comes totally from some place that I can't even describe.

I will say that right now I feel like the stereotypical stay at home mom. Haven't showered in days, didn't get dressed, messy hair. I swear I will get a shower someday, I know it'll happen! Even if I have to take a walk in the rain! Of course, had I known he'd sleep this long, I sure would have taken the chance tonight.

Okay, back to the baby.

Julie

Paul

I haven't sent a real post about him yet. He's adorable of course, coming from Mom. He's a good eater! I think he looks like both of us, though the general trend is about 50% both ways in regards to others opinion. He's not super fussy, only cries when he needs something. I can't wait to get to post more pictures. I know we have some super cute ones of him on the film waiting to be developed. Maybe I'll get that done tomorrow, give me something to do and really look forward too :), plus then I can put up more pictures.

I'm doing okay too, still have a ways to go on the recovery front though. Can't bend much or lift much at all. Most of my strength must have been in my abs because I'm sure weak lately! I sure hope I don't have to have the c-section next time. The recovery is so hard, I can't imagine it with a new baby and a toddler! Can't wait for the annulment to be done so we can have those other babies! :)

I will say that it can be a little frustrating, but I think that's more due to getting used to a new normal. There is also some tiredness and also some loneliness that add to the frustration. But mostly I enjoy watching him.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Paul is here

Sorry it's taken me so long to get a post here. He was born on March 14th at 4:21 am, weighting 8 lbs. 8 ounces and 20 inches long.

Here are links to so pictures of him.
Pics my parents took
http://s108.photobucket.com/albums/n3/seekingmyplace/Paul/

baby pictures from hospital
http://www.growingfamily.com/webnursery/babypage_view.asp?URLID=1W4N6P8T2X

Julie

Monday, March 12, 2007

Induction

Tomorrow they induce me, unless somehow my body decides to do what it is suppose to do. I'm pretty nervous about this and also sick by it. It's so not what we want. I wish I could just make my body do what it needs to do. I'll try to post and update about the baby as soon as we are back. Hopefully at least by Friday.

Julie

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

bummed

that's all I'm going to say. I'm pretty bummed. Thoughts and prayers please.

Julie

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Baby...........

is still not here! I'm getting nervous about an induction, but trying to not get too worked up because that'll probably make the baby not come! I am hopeful it is soon, like the next few days soon. I have finally gotten to the point of not being very comfortable. I think it's because the baby has dropped. Plus Chip and I seem to be sick, him moreso than me, I think I've just been fighting it for days.

So no baby yet. Send lots of labor vibes.

Julie

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

stressed

I should have posted a blog last night. We got some good news, Chip is getting a raise, it's nothing huge, but it'll be enough to really help out. But we don't know when it'll take effect, some are saying it'll be awhile. Until then, and until we straighten out some other financial things, we are just a total sinking ship without any life boats, and no one can hear the SOS call.

I guess that is why it's called Lent. At first I was thinking that maybe this Lent would be one of blessing and good things for us, but I'm not thinking that so much.

We have been trying to find out if Chip is baptized. Talk about a nightmare. I just want to get the ball rolling with this annulment thing so we can have a sacramental marriage, and nothing goes smoothly at all. His dad had said he was baptized as an infant, which I had figured meant that he was dedicated, as it was in a protestant church. I didn't think any of them did infant baptisms. We heard back from someone a few days ago, who Chip is going to call for clarification today, but she says he was baptized as well, but we don't' know if she is referring to one as an infant or one that we can't find any proof of around age 12, no one remembers, and the church has never responded to our requests for information. So come to find out, there are protestant churches that do infant baptism. This is NOT good at all, not at all. Which means that if his Aunt says, yes it was as an infant, Chip has to call his dad, which I KNOW he doesn't want to do, and ask him what church he was baptized in as an infant. It's like pulling teeth man. And a very stubborn tooth that just won't budge.

Try as I might, I have a hard time not feeling like the person that always gets dumped on. Nothing can ever go right without just heaps of bad stuff going on top. Try, and try to not feel bad for yourself, as that just makes it worse, but the second you get good news, it's followed by at least three things that are worse.

I need more than just myself telling me it'll all be okay. Because right now, I'm really not believing myself at all.

Julie

Sunday, February 25, 2007

bored

I am so incredibly bored. I have about 50 things I could be doing, but I'm suppose to be resting, or taking it easy. The thing is that I could probably get most every thing I really need to get done, done with tonight. But I'd be very swollen tomorrow, and that's not good. :)

It is kitty nap time again, so I can't vacuum, they are horribly scared of that machine. Hopefully they wake up soon.

I also have no clue what to have to dinner. I'm starving and can't think of anything that sounds good. Although, a cookie sounds good, but none of those here, and I ate all the cake.

Julie

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Yay!

Finally after, I think, 6 weeks, we are ice free! The front of our house faces north, so it NEVER sees the light of day, so the ice from the first storm back in January was still hanging around. Tonight I went out, and it's all gone! I never thought that would happen. No more slipping to the car. Of course, in the grand scheme of Missouri weather, we are suppose to get a little snow tonight. I'm kind of bummed by this. Hopefully it won't stick. I really don't want to have to go back to mopping everyday!

Saturday's randomness

It is raining and cloudy. Makes for a good day for sleeping. Which reminds me that I'm pretty tired. I tell you, there is always something to be found to do. I could keep myself busy for hours every day, even if I think I may be bored (like tonight), I know there are at least five things I can do right now. Of course I'm not suppose to be doing much. :)

It is kitty nap time right now. I love kitty nap time. It's so cute to watch them all sleeping, they each have a spot the usually pick. So far, 6 cats hasn't been as bad as I was thinking it would be. If the big cats would use the big litter box there'd be no problem at all. But they insist on using the little one that the kittens can get into, so that little tiny box has to be changed twice a day. Cats!

In other news, I'm about 2 days from my due date I think. I can never remember if it was the 25th or the 26th, but it's one of those days. I'm starting to finally feel a little ready. But not completely yet. Still don't have the car seat in the car! Besides other little projects that need to be done.

Tonight I hope to be having a little spa night. Going to take a nice shower, and then a nice bath. The hot water only lasts for a little bit, like 10 minutes, so that's why I'll do both. Then I think I'll paint my toe nails, that is if I can get to them! :)

Julie

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Thoughts on Lent

Oddly, I always look forward to Lent. It is a time to fix things in your life and bring more faith to it. I like to give up something that is bad for me physically, and also spiritually, as well as add something that will improve my spiritually life. I also like the focus on sacrifice, as I struggle with this. I need all the help I can in learning to sacrifice. While we do live a very merger life, I don't always do it without complaining, and I need to learn to do that.

I will say, that taking this journey back to the Church has made me a little lonely. I long for other Traditional Catholics to be around. We both wish Mass was closer so we could be more involved. Even though it is my husband who is converting, I feel like I am re-entering the Church as well, and look forward to learning along with him, as he will be getting a much better education than I ever did. :)

Julie

Nesting

I haven't really felt like I've been nesting, as I am always wanting to get my space clean and organized, but I guess I am. After months of having the house in chaos, it is finally pretty well done! There are a few things remaining. It feels so nice to have an organized, functional house. We finally found a way to set up all the rooms to make it flow and also give us space (it's a TINY house - about 500 sq. ft.).

I got my bed already for the baby too. Baby will be sleeping with me :), looking forward to that. Won't have to get out of bed to feed the baby, and I even have a spot for keeping cloth diapers for night changes, so I don't have to leave for that either. :)

Today I also wrote out all the bills for the next 2 months - until the end of April. Including all the child support, and those are weekly, that's a lot of envelopes, stamps and checks! But at least I won't have to worry about that during the time of adjustment, all I'll have to do (or ask Chip to do) is put the bills out on the mail box. Feeling pretty prepared.

There are still a few things that need to be done, like moving stuff up to the attic. But more important things like finding a Godfather for the baby! :) That is of utmost importance. Oh, we also have to do all the packing of the car and putting the car seat in. So wish we could have the baby here at home, would be so much easier. :) Maybe it'll end up happening that way, we'll see.

Now I just need to figure out how to make a kitten use the litter box, she likes the bed way too much!

Monday, February 19, 2007

Am I the only one?

I would be happy to be pregnant forever! I have enjoyed it, and I don't know that I'm totally ready for the grand finale. There is a lot of unknown after that. I'm not miserable yet, and I always thought I would be, judging by what people say most times about pregnancy and how awful it is at the end. I'm still enjoying it. It's been a huge part of who I am for such a long time - almost a year if you include the time from the miscarriage. Maybe it's just nerves!

Julie

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Cats and beds

Why is it that cats like to pee on beds???? What leads them to say 'hey, this looks way better than the litter box, I think I'll go here'. I am sure it's just the kittens (we have 3, yes, 3 kittens!), so at least it doesn't smell. Just more laundry. :) I hope they are over this phase soon!

Julie

Random thoughts for today

My Internet Explorer has become dysfunctional, it is frustrating! Right now I'm on Fire fox, which is okay, but my spell checker won't work on here, I love spell check. I need spell check! I really do miss my fully functional IE.

Yes, that is pointless and just a small thing in this world.

I just looked at the forecast for tomorrow and the coming week. I actually almost cried (pregnancy hormones????), had to hold back the tears. The first day in weeks, maybe even a month that it'll be above freezing, and for more than one day. I can NOT tell you how happy that makes me. No more frozen pipes in the morning, no more freezing drafty house! Of course I actually love this house, it's just not winter proof at all. So glad it's going to get warm.

This also means that the snow (about 8 inches in some places, with 2 to 4 inches of solid ice under) will finally melt from the front of our house. We have had to slip and slide to and from the cars since that first ice/snow storm back in January I think it was, the one that shut down schools for like a week, yeah, it was January, like the Friday before MLK day.

Also, totally random, I love the green walls in out living room, they are so bright and happy!

Julie

I'm back

I am back to the world of blogging. Life has changed a bit over the last year. Many changes to come. I hope to use this blog to work through all of those changes.

Julie