sweet and sad

Sometimes there are these moments that are so heartwarming, and then, bam, also so very sad.

I'm still sad over the passing of my grandparents, little pieces hit each day. Today I put the sheets I have of my grandma's, the sheets I slept on when I was there for a week and a half in the summer of 2006. This was my favorite visit with them ever. I really got to know them, not just as grandparents, but as people, who they were.

So I put them on my bed today, thinking it would be nice to fall asleep smelling their house, I know the smell won't last long, but I knew it would be there at least tonight. I just laid down with Paul, and he LOVES these sheets. They are brightly colored flowers. He kept saying 'pretty neat, pretty neat' while rubbing them, then he was saying 'soft' and 'pretty flowers'. It was so sweet. I had this momentary thought, "I need to tell my grandma how much Paul loves these sheets". That's when the sadness came in. I can't tell her. Death is so final, I know that is a silly statement to make, but it's something I'm realizing so much these days.