done

So frustrated with this internet. I can NEVER get it to work. It’ll take me all night, seriously, all night to just get it to open one page. It’ll probably take me two days to send this message since that’s a series of about three pages (I’m writing it in word first). The internet is my only connection with other people. It is too hot to walk to the library. How sad does that make me? I just want to stupid internet to work, how much is that to ask, really, how much?? It’ll be months before we can afford our normal internet that works. I need people to talk to. Why does everything have to be such a huge struggle?? Can’t something ever just be easy?

It’s even more than just talking to people, I have people I need to respond to, and I can’t get to my email to do that. Important things like conversion and annulment stuff.

I think I am just going to give up. I’m tired of the fight. It’s obviously only important to me. I’m tired of pulling teeth. I’m done, I simply can not do it anymore. I’m also signing out of one of my most beloved groups. It has come to my attention that my presence there makes people uncomfortable, which I understand, but I can’t handle that anymore, so I’ll leave. Maybe someday I won’t be in such an irregular situation so I’ll be able to go back. I will miss them greatly.

That’s all for now.

Latin Mass

I have been waiting until it was official, and then I didn't get to posting until today. I am so hopeful that now that it's free and clear that we will get a closer Mass. I wonder how we could go about finding a Priest to say the TLM?? Do you just ask? Is that improper? Oh, to have a Latin Mass community near by, pure heaven! I just can't imagine! I am so thankful for the current Pope! He is doing great things for the Church!

Julie

Paul

I just got an email that said his first web page will be gone in a week, so if you want to see those first pictures (from the hosptial), go and check them out. It was kind of sad. He's growing up so fast, I can't believe it. He's over twice the size he was when he was born. I almost can't remember him being so small. I missed so much of his first days. With the next child I am going to hire someone to come daily to do the basic tasks that I worried over.

So go look at him :) http://www.growingfamily.com/webnursery/babypage_view.asp?URLID=1W4N6P8T2X

Growth spurt

Boy oh boy has Paul been growing! He has been an eating machine! Last night at my parents he weighted in at 23 pounds! I can not believe it! I never thought I'd have a 23 pound 4 month old! I now have 3 rolls of film to develop. We are close to out of our hole, so soon we should be able to get them developed! Can't wait to share! He still steals the room where ever we go. He's a cutie pie!

No title again,

I killed my bird. I feel awful. Been having such a rough time lately, I sure didn't need this. Why didn't I give them water this morning when I first saw they needed it. How could I forget. He was a birthday present.

Julie

It won't let me give a title. It was going to be "Giving up?"

It has been a very rough few days. My spirits are very down. I feel like just crawling in a hole and never coming out. There is just no point in trying to even be positive about anything. Every time you start to be positive something comes and takes it away. We are too poor to even do the things we need to do, like go to Mass and get Chip to his conversion classes. We also have to pay for the annulment. But really money is the least of the issues. Every thing in my life is a fight right now. Fight to parent the way we want, fight to live how we want (simply and naturally), fight because of religious differences. And even if it isn't an out right verbal fight, it's me just not saying anything and smiling and nodding. I hate that.

I feel like my spirit if broken. I think I'm living a pipe dream.
Julie

The 4th

It was a very anti climatic 4th for me. Just same old same old, cleaning, feeding, more feeding and rocking :) I had kind of hoped to get to bbq with my parents, but that didn't happen, which I guess had the plus side of getting the house clean.

The last few weeks have been kind of rough for me. I missed my pills one day and that really threw me off and I just can't seem to get back. I also think a lot of the other things going on in my life are hampering my mood, but that's expected, life is not always roses. I'm trying to bring more faith into our daily life, it's a slow process, but it's getting there. I'm kind of needing something to keep me on my toes though.

Paul is growing, I can't believe how much he changes daily. I think he is actually going through a growth spurt as all he's been doing is eating (a TON) and sleeping.

My only in real life local friend is moving in about a month. Kind of a sad reality to think of. I need to find a new network! Of course those interested in the things I am are all in the city! So far away!

Anyhow, I should go. Need to finish the tea and head to sleep. Sleep is precious! Need lots :)

Julie