Hoping writing out a few things will help me get to sleep. So many things on my mind, I just can't relax to fall asleep. Don't think I'll go into details, that would be way too long a post! estate stuff, house stuff, baby stuff, cat stuff, and money, mostly money. Also living in the past, need to stop that. I really need to just except things for what they are and stop trying to change everything and make excuses. All it does is become this huge self perpetuating downward spiral. The past is gone, I am here, now.
I think really, I just need to sleep. I need to figure out a way to actually get sleep. This has nothing to do with Paul, I, simply can not sleep, haven't been able to for several weeks. I think with sleep, I'd handle things better, but then again, that's also justifying how things are now. Deal with the lack of sleep rather than make excuses for it. Or use it as an excuse. I think at the bottom of all this is a very simple truth, that many people have pointed out to me, I don't know how to be happy. I'm all complaints and excuses. I can't just accept things as what they are, always having to change them. Such a miserable way to live.
Okay, I think that may have helped, at least I'll have something more positive to think about while laying in bed, how to be happy. What small step can I make tomorrow to move in the right direction? Definitely something to ponder. Just have to remind myself that I CAN take small baby steps, I don't have to tackle it all at once. I'll try to write what my small step is. I sure need to remember to keep it a small one.