sickies are here

Paul and I came back from CT kind of sick. Mostly me, Paul just has a runny nose. Now Chip is sick! I blame stress for me :). I just hope it passes quickly.

It's been an interesting few weeks for me. I wish I had more mental energy to share all of it! Hopefully in the next few days when I'm not totally overwhelmed with the state of my house! Made some progress today, just a little more to go before I feel back to normal. Hopefully I'll wake up tomorrow feeling somewhat better and ready to go.

It's raining again, all is mud around us. Can't wait to not live in a mud pit. We have straw we use in Buddy's fenced area, we have also been putting it on our main paths to help with the mud. If we are still here next year, we are going to need to get stepping stones! :)

I have pictures to load too, but, again, something that'll have to wait. Mostly of Christmas.

Off to bed I think, feeling ready to fall asleep. I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, and that you are not sick!

home

I am back from picking up the car. Got back Sunday, but with Christmas, have just kind of started to settle in. I have so much to do, but can't get my momentum going! Need to find something to kick my butt! I guess getting off my butt would be a start!

I have a ton more to say about the trip and other things, but not really in the right mood to sit and write things that require thought, plus, I am also hoping to get in gear and start cleaning! Paul now has SO many toys! Don't know where I'll put them all!

Julie

Thoughts on the 'winter blues'

I have been thinking about this tonight, mostly while doing dishes. :) Chip and I both struggle in the winter, it's cold, and the days are short, not a lot of sun. I know a lot of people do, to the point that they even named it - S.A.D - Seasonal Affective Disorder.

I am beginning to think that humans were made to be less active in the winter, to sleep more. Think about it. Before we had cities and grocery stores, people had to raise and grow or hunt and find their food. In the winter there is less natural sources of food. The animals don't produce as much (less eggs and milk) and the majority of vegetation dies. So there is a lack of food and it's colder, both things that would be helped by slowing down. Think of most of the major symptoms of depression, most deal with or rather boil down to a kind of hibernation. You don't want to be about others, have no interest in things, sleep more and so on. I think if we were slowing down more in winter, allowing for the need for more sleep and a slower pace, the depression part of the 'winter blues' wouldn't be so bad. I don't know, haven't completely thought this through, but it does make sense to me.

So no more feeling guilty here about needing more sleep! :) Think I'll use this as a way to take naps with Paul and not feel guilty! Off to finish more dishes.

Julie

more words and other stuff

First, I have a few new words from Paul

Today he said shower and slippery. He was playing in the shower while I was in there.

I am still working on the whole list. I keep thinking of words, then I forget by time I have gotten to the computer. So I now have a word pad document open all the time to help with.

In other stuff. I'm feeling much better. Something so simple as trusting God really can make a difference, that and prayer. I just hope I can keep it up. I have also been slightly more patient with Paul, which makes me feel better too. I hate being so curt with him and treating him like he's a burden, so not at all what I want to be as a mother.

More in the next few days, some good things are happening, but want to wait and see how it all pans out first.

Julie

time for me

This is the first in a long time! Paul went to sleep crazy early and I decided to just chill. So needed this. No stress, no expectations and no chores! Just some Jack Johnson on the Pandora, Mothering dot Commune and some friends to chat with on Yahoo. Of course, I do need to sleep :) So I should do that. Also I am saying two novenas, so I'm feeling good, which is nice for a change. I am hopeful for waking up in a good mood.

Julie

answered prayers I didn't know I said!

This morning I woke up pretty distraught over the car situation, which is just not good at all. I was just completely overwhelmed. Just a little while ago, I ran into a friend on facebook chat. We had a good talk.

What was very interesting is that the other day I posted about wanting to start over, and not knowing how to do that. It came up in a different context in our chat (more about faith and having faith and trust in God). It ended up being an answer to how to start over. Working on virtues and practicing the spiritual and corporal works of mercy. Which, until about 20 minutes ago, I didn't know. After reading them, I have heard them somewhere, but never learned them. It is really amazing how God can seriously put the right person in front of you when you need it the most, you just have to be willing to not be stubborn (or I just have to be willing to not be stubborn as I tend to be).

So while I have NO idea what's going on with the car, and the timing is just awful (as in, money, Christmas, also me trying to not go crazy, and me trying to not sink deeper into depression), I am relived to be finding a way to handle it and myself better, plus that conversation got me out of my funk that I was unwilling to leave on my own!

Okay off to learn more about these works of mercy, hang out with Paul and write down more of his words! I forgot a lot of them, and then continue to forget them after I remember them!

Julie

cars

Cars suck! They always break at the worst times possible. As in this morning on Chip's way to work. It exploded. Wonderful! Now we have to try to get the other (older worse shape, no power steering, ac or radio! :) ) car good enough to pass inspection. Or find some way to get a 'new' car, meaning a piece of crap that'll run for a few months. Lovely timing is all I can say. It's the most expensive time of year (heat is SO, SO expensive, property taxes, car insurance being due............and not to mention we haven't gotten Paul a Christmas present yet. I am trying to laugh at this so that I don't sink further in to my hole I'm already far into, it isn't working well. I just really, really hope we can time cheap used tires (just need to pass inspection -current tires are dry rotted) and find a way to fix the leaking fuel line, and hope and pray that it doesn't need power steering to pass. Okay, off to find something to just make me calm down and maybe sleep. I see this being a night of not sleeping because of extreme worry.

Julie

random late night thoughts

I haven't been doing well lately. Don't know what it is, and I think I give up trying to figure it out. I just need to deal with it and get on. The only part that is hard, is that if feels very much like the post partum depression, some of the same feelings and emotions and thoughts. I just don't like myself, at all. And all my issues are me, and things I did and chose to do. I think I try to spend way to much time 'fixing' those things. I really don't think I can fix them. I think I just have to start over and begin again. More prayer, and over the last months I have realized how much it does help to actually take time for prayer, and finding a way to not be so hard on myself, is that even possible? I mean, I seriously hate me, bluntly honest, hate me. I despise how I treat those I love, and how I CHOOSE to me so miserable. I'm afriad to be happy. Who the hell is afraid to be happy? How does that even happen?

Anyway, no point really. Just wanting to write it out, hoping I'd see a way to start fresh. It's not coming to me, but hopefully I'll wake up with a way to start anew and not hate me. I am very excited at the thought, but scared to death, as it is all I have known.

Paul's Words

I have been wanting to do this for awhile, but never sat down and wrote it out. I think it'll take a few days, and I think I also want to keep track of the new words he comes up with every day. I'm going to list words Paul says, I hope I get them all.

First today's new words
Tangerine - one of our cats
Coby - another cat
shadow

His other words
cat
dog
puppy
turtle
cow
bird
fish
plane
tree
flower
bug
walk
car
truck
train
tape
pliers
stretch (for a tape measure)
screw (can you tell he helps us a lot!)
type
baby
scared
light
light stick
stick
hold you
up
down
off
on
sit
jump
wee
wow
stair (s)
moon
star
hand
foot
toe
head
nose
ear
hair
eye
teeth
kiss
hug
pee
poop
door
push
open
thank you
cracker
bread
dip
plate
fork
spoon
sharp (for knives and scissors)
olive
cheese
chip
daddy
mommy
chicken
cookie
cake
back
stuck
chair
ball
bulb
apple
hot
cold
that
pants
socks
shirt
shoes
Christmas
Megan
Grandpa
Zach
Missie
Pepper
Bo
watch
screen
blanket
water
milk
cart
eat
pen
crayon
color
paper
duck
vacuum
book

Okay, Paul is needing me to get him to sleep, so I'll try to think of more tomorrow. I know there is more, as he talks a lot, I know some of them he uses to me more than one thing. Okay, being demanded very loudly! :)

Julie