shower! (and pics, not of the shower, of the kids!)

It was blissful to get a shower today! Paul feel asleep, for what is probably his nap, unless I get him to bed soon, which I plan on doing :), so not only a shower, but more sleep! Yay! Before kids I never thought a shower could be so eventful. And I'm not one of those people who needs a daily or even every other day shower, but it is nice to get to have one every once and awhile. So that and today was also the first real trip out of the house with me and just them, it went well. I wore Dolores in the Mei Tai, she slept and Paul was more calm than normal, got most of the shopping done.

Anyhow, just had to share my joy of getting a shower, now to get both of them in bed so I can sleep :).Sleeping girl. Paul asked me to put her in the swing so he could jump on the couch, and she feel right asleep. I was kind of surprised!

Paul holding Dolores. He was so happy to pose for this, I just couldn't get him to look at the camera, silly boy.

quick post/good day

Just quickly as I should be in bed and Dolores is letting me know she needs some food.

Today Paul's first real fear came out, monkey's! Don't know where it came from. He's been scared of other things but this was different, more real and yet abstract at the same time. Where as the other things are ones we expected, scary faces (Halloween), things like that. Paul actually LOVED this monkey until today. I actually think it was the monkey on the cookie box yesterday that started it, and it just morphed into all monkeys.

I have had good luck with Dolores and figuring out her gassiness. She just needs to be burped often, way more than what we ever had to do with Paul. Also got her in the Mei Tai today, a little odd with the froggied legs, but she seemed fine. So glad that I got that figured out, it'll really help during her fussy times of the day and when we or rather I go out with both kids. I should be able to wear them both in a few weeks or so. Will make grocery shopping SO easy! I'm sure I'll get tons of stares, but until she's 26 pounds (what I gained in pregnancy), wearing Paul and her won't be any different than when I was wearing just him during the pregnancy (up to the very end).

So it was a good day despite being so very tired and having a horrid headache that would not go away. Hopefully tomorrow is good too and I lose my temper not at all! (twice today - really working on that!)

Oh, also got some good pictures of Paul holding Dolores, I'll try to get them uploaded/posted tomorrow.

end of a long day

We lost a cat today, Charcoal, we are pretty sure it's part of the curse of having feline leukemia in your house. It came on very suddenly and then he was gone. It's so hard to have this disease among your cats. You really have to develop this weird tough skin regarding death because you know it's going to be something you have to deal with often. Every time we think that we are done, another kitty gets sick. I don't really know how to explain the feeling really without sounds harsh or even heartless. You love each one, and are just as sad, but you really have to turn it off. To put things in perspective, in the last year and a half we have lost 6 cats, you get numb after a while. I hope today is the last of that.

In more cheerful news, today didn't end up being as hard as I thought, of course, Chip was up by 2, which is early for a work day, and he was able to come help with Paul at the wic appointment, which was great because it was a LONG appointment. Reverification, for all three of us! Dolores has gained 10 ounces since birth, which I think is pretty neat :), she's only 11 days old.

It's been neat this evening to note the differences between Paul and Dolores, she's already starting to show likes and dislikes, mostly in how she sleeps, which I guess makes sense since that is what she does mostly! I think she sleeps more than Paul, maybe she'll be more like her dad, that would be nice and good news to me, since Paul is more like me, a sleep camel, though I'm sure his is not self imposed as I can't imagine that he worries about stuff! It's just neat to me that such a little tiny person has preferences, to see her personality already showing. I guess I won't ever get over that. I think the message in society must be that babies are just blobs that cry or something, because it really never stopped amazing me how truly unique Paul was, and how much of a person he was. Maybe I'm just odd!

back to 'normal'

Tomorrow Chip goes back to work, so all will have to go back to normal. I'm pretty sad about that. It's been nice being able to rest when needed and spend lots of time with my babies :). Also him going back to work means LOTS of it just being me and the kids, so kind of lonely. Right after the birth, for the first week it was beautiful out, and now that it's going to be all lonely here it's the crummiest weather possible! Cold, damp, raining and dreary, just blah. I'm glad he ended up having more time off than he thought.

Dolores was baptised today, it went very well, though she did cry for a large part of it, she was hungry. Glad she is baptised though, now just to get the other two parts finished up, marriage prep stuff and Chip's conversion stuff. Still need to find out if we have a waiting period or not on the marriage, didn't get a chance to ask Father today.

And for those who may not be on facebook and would like to see some pictures, here are a few :)

Sleeping on her first day.

Paul getting closer and starting to think she's 'okay'.

Finally realizing that Dolores is okay and not scary :).

Me and the kids, still feels weird saying that!

The two of them sleeping the same way, hands over the head, and of course the spot that I would go. It sure is warm between two little kids! They are heaters!

Paulism of the day

My parents got Paul the movie Cars, he LOVES it. This morning while trying to convince daddy to put it in, Chip said that the cars were sleeping, trying to put it off a bit, and Paul replied "cars don't sleep in the daytime". He is too smart! Chip said that it's great that his son knows when he's bs'ing him! :)

Julie

wearing me down

Still going. Can't sleep because they are unbearable while laying down. Will try again later when Paul wakes up. Somewhere I need to find it in me to deal with this another day. More organized though and stronger, so I guess that's progress. So glad we didn't tell anyone (besides online people) so that we don't have the phone ringing and people waiting, can't handle that!

I so wanted to enjoy what could have been my last night cuddling with Paul, but it was so hard. I just want to lay down and enjoy him, I'm really, really going to miss having it be just him, giving him the attention he wants/needs when he wants and needs it. Kind of mourning the loss of being able to dedicate myself to just him, not having to split my time. He's my little boy and I just hope he does okay having to share me (and daddy). Maybe no one else really felt this way, or even gets it. I almost feel like I'm losing Paul, I don't know how to explain that better.

Of course on the other hand, I'm just ready for this to be over. Prayers, good thoughts, anything you have, to help me muster up the mental, physical and emotional energy to get through another day, please send. Also to help with this grief that I am feeling very real right now regarding Paul. I am hoping it's not hindering me and labor.

exciting times

looks like things are starting up. I think. A little early to tell, but I'll try to keep updated :).

Julie

Mice

There is nothing more frustrating than having a ton of cats, and, yes, mice that live in the walls. I guess they must be smart mice or something. We can't get rid of them and now with winter coming and it being colder, I hear them again. Of course both Chip and I have one that lives directly above the head of our beds, lovely. All night long, scratch, scratch scratch. I really think they are going to get shot this year, and I think I'm to the point that I really think a huge hole in the wall is better than an annoying dirty mouse! We have tried so many things, but nothing works, they are still there. I wish the stupid things would just venture out for just a little bit, then the cats could have a snack and the annoying scratching would be gone! Yes, I know that's morbid, forgive me! :)

41 weeks and waiting

So like Paul, this one is staying in as long as possible! I'm just glad that I don't get my hopes on the 'due date'. I'm still not feeling like it's any time soon though. I am hoping it's within the next week just because I'm getting a little worn with the waiting and trying to keep everything in order and neat and tidy, plus I'd kind of like to meet this little person and see how Paul does :). I don't think Chip is handling the waiting as well as I am though, I think he's getting impatient!

Julie

day light savings blahs

I hate the adjustment to the 'new' time. It was dark at 5:30, how depressing is that? I really wish we didn't do this whole switching of time, just messes with people. For us, now the countdown starts to the shortest day so that things can start not getting more depressing with each passing day, and the sun can start shining more :).

Julie

revelation regarding Paul

We, well more specifically, I, have been struggling with Paul lately, it has really been a challenge to parent him. He's been, well crazy, especially when Chip first gets up. We are an AP, gentle discipline family, so we handle things a bit differently in regards to behavior than most people. At first I thought it was just because we had not been very consistent with Paul's boundaries, and had also gotten lazy with enforcing things like not throwing stuff at us or hitting the dogs due to me and pregnancy and Chip's new awful schedule. But even being more consistent with those, hasn't seemed to help much, whereas in the past Paul has responded almost instantly to us being more consistent.

Kids are complex little people who can't voice their feelings very well, and I kind of had a revolution when thinking about a reply to a group that I needed to write. Someone said something about kids having big emotions like teenagers, and another asked if there was something else going on. I got to really thinking, and I think it's also to Chip's new work schedule and Paul never seeing him (along with the lack of consistency). It would make a lot of sense that Paul would be crazy excited now when Daddy gets up, some times it is literally days that he doesn't see him. And his time is now so limited with Chip, it's not like before when he'd actually get to spend most of his days with both parents. Now, on work days, he's lucky to see Chip for a few minutes, and non work days just a few hours (somewhere around 4). I'm sure Paul is also aware that something is going on with me, and that he senses something is going to change with this 'baby' we keep talking about.

Paul also isn't nursing anymore, I think if he was, he'd be doing a little better. He has this little dog with silky ears, named Puppa, and when nursing he always had to rub the ears with at least one hand (well between his fingers and his thumb). I have noticed that he has a new habit he does even in his sleep. He rubs Puppa on his face/lips when he stirs, which is a time that he would normally have nursed. I know he, at least at night, was a big comfort nurser. I'm hoping he'll pick back up when the baby comes, maybe that'll help him some. I still have so much sadness and guilt about him not nursing.

Goodness, I still have a lot to say, but he is stirring, so I should go lay down. Hopefully I'll get to come back and finish today. Prayers I can find a way to make this transition better for Paul, both the baby, and to Chip's new work hours/schedule.

Julie