Sunday, November 01, 2009

revelation regarding Paul

We, well more specifically, I, have been struggling with Paul lately, it has really been a challenge to parent him. He's been, well crazy, especially when Chip first gets up. We are an AP, gentle discipline family, so we handle things a bit differently in regards to behavior than most people. At first I thought it was just because we had not been very consistent with Paul's boundaries, and had also gotten lazy with enforcing things like not throwing stuff at us or hitting the dogs due to me and pregnancy and Chip's new awful schedule. But even being more consistent with those, hasn't seemed to help much, whereas in the past Paul has responded almost instantly to us being more consistent.

Kids are complex little people who can't voice their feelings very well, and I kind of had a revolution when thinking about a reply to a group that I needed to write. Someone said something about kids having big emotions like teenagers, and another asked if there was something else going on. I got to really thinking, and I think it's also to Chip's new work schedule and Paul never seeing him (along with the lack of consistency). It would make a lot of sense that Paul would be crazy excited now when Daddy gets up, some times it is literally days that he doesn't see him. And his time is now so limited with Chip, it's not like before when he'd actually get to spend most of his days with both parents. Now, on work days, he's lucky to see Chip for a few minutes, and non work days just a few hours (somewhere around 4). I'm sure Paul is also aware that something is going on with me, and that he senses something is going to change with this 'baby' we keep talking about.

Paul also isn't nursing anymore, I think if he was, he'd be doing a little better. He has this little dog with silky ears, named Puppa, and when nursing he always had to rub the ears with at least one hand (well between his fingers and his thumb). I have noticed that he has a new habit he does even in his sleep. He rubs Puppa on his face/lips when he stirs, which is a time that he would normally have nursed. I know he, at least at night, was a big comfort nurser. I'm hoping he'll pick back up when the baby comes, maybe that'll help him some. I still have so much sadness and guilt about him not nursing.

Goodness, I still have a lot to say, but he is stirring, so I should go lay down. Hopefully I'll get to come back and finish today. Prayers I can find a way to make this transition better for Paul, both the baby, and to Chip's new work hours/schedule.


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